Though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes

Originally posted Tuesday, June 10, 2008 at 10:28am

A few reflections from my week in Nevada.
It is a very strange place. Although you can find slot machines in the airport and in the supermarket, there is no state lottery, and raffles are illegal. Prostitution is legal in counties with a population of less than 250,000. But you know what should really be illegal? I went to a little touristy Old West town halfway up a mountain called Virginia City, ordered a smoothie, and was given a slushy. THAT is what should be illegal. Let us review:

Smoothies = fruit + yogurt or juice blended together in a cup of awesome
Slushies = crushed ice + sugary syrup poured on top in a cup of lame

So I watched a television program about the world’s most violent prison riots and learned all kinds of useful things. I learned that an effective dart gun can be forged out of some writing paper, some underwear elastic, and a plastic spoon. I also learned that if you intend to break out of prison, driving a 20-ton bulldozer through the wall is a good way to go about it. However, you should not attempt to use the bulldozer as your getaway vehicle.
You should flee on foot, and although you will probably be caught, it’s OK, because breaking out of prison is perfectly legal in Denmark. You might have to pay for the wall you drove through, but I’m not sure.
I also saw a commercial that puzzled me a little bit, because of the All-American Rejects song playing in the background, the one that goes “even when your hope is gone/move along, move along, like you know you should.” For some reason I wasn’t quite sure if that was very encouraging in an ad for a job training program.
I also read a magazine article from U.S. News and World Report or Sports Illustrated or something like that about the controversy over selling raw milk. Supporters point at the supposed health benefits of raw milk, while opponents, citing decades of research, argue that it increases the risk of salmonella and other nasty things. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but I think Decades of Research would make a pretty good name for a rock band.
I went to the University of Nevada-Reno student cafeteria and saw a sign that said, “If you catch any of our employees exceeding your expectations, fill out a comment card and let us know.” In today’s modern world, in an age of terrorism and global warming, it is vitally necessary for us all to crack down on exceeded expectations.
By the way, if you want to start a food fight or a battle royale in the prison cafeteria, the correctional officers won’t bother you, because it’s too dangerous for them to get in the middle of so many inmates. Just don’t expect the service in the prison cafeteria to exceed your expectations.
The main street in Reno is called Virginia Street, and several of the casinos in Reno are located there. The street alternates between glitzy parts and ghetto-y parts. Reno is a very classy place, although I am told that if you REALLY need a bail bond, the best place to look for one is Hackensack, New Jersey. I am not sure how good Hackensack is for cash advances, though.
I wanted to get my picture taken in front of a classy dining establishment on Virginia Street simply called Jelly Donut, but time did not permit, so alas, you will simply have to imagine it, dear reader.
Unfortunately my cat Mittens died during finals week, the week before I was in Nevada. I didn’t find out about it until after I got back home. Remember all the hubbub a year and a half ago about tainted Chinese pet food? It turns out, if you have any pet food from a year and a half ago in the back of your cupboard, you should probably get rid of it, rather than feed it to your pets.
Although I had no knowledge of my cat’s demise at the time, I was struck with the following question: if your cat had puppies, would you consult a veterinarian?
While I was in Nevada and Hawaii, I was struggling to read through the Old Testament book of Hosea. It’s a short book, but I found it a little hard to get into. Anyway, the main theme of Hosea is God calling out Israel for being unfaithful to Him, sort of like an adulterous marital partner. I leave you with some highlights from Hosea.

Hosea 5:15
15 Then I will go back to my place
until they admit their guilt.
And they will seek my face;
in their misery they will earnestly seek me."

Hosea 6:6
6 For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

Hosea 8:11-14
11 "Though Ephraim built many altars for sin offerings,
these have become altars for sinning.
12 I wrote for them the many things of my law,
but they regarded them as something alien.
13 They offer sacrifices given to me
and they eat the meat,
but the LORD is not pleased with them.
Now he will remember their wickedness
and punish their sins:
They will return to Egypt.
14 Israel has forgotten his Maker
and built palaces;
Judah has fortified many towns.
But I will send fire upon their cities
that will consume their fortresses."

Hosea 13:4-6
4 "But I am the LORD your God,
who brought you out of Egypt.
You shall acknowledge no God but me,
no Savior except me.
5 I cared for you in the desert,
in the land of burning heat.
6 When I fed them, they were satisfied;
when they were satisfied, they became proud;
then they forgot me.