The consolations of philosophy, or, happy Thanksgiving

Originally posted Thursday, November 27, 2008 at 11:56am

Have you ever noticed how if you're talking about your little brother, and you say he has social problems, you probably mean he acts out in class and doesn't get along with other people, but if you're talking about a country and you say it has social problems, you probably mean that everyone there drinks too much?
Incidentally, we all know that alcohol is a poison that kills people, and most of us know that water can kill you as well if you drink too much of it (it's called water intoxication). I know I ask this question a lot, but I've always wondered what ratio of water to everclear you would have to have before the water would kill you first.

You know what I don't understand? Fruit juice = wonderful. Fruit juice, as do most other beverages, consists mostly of water. Water = fantastic. However, fruit juice mixed with water = amazingly terrible. What's that about?

So a few days ago at lunch some of my friends were discussing meth labs. I don't know why. Apparently there are a lot of them in Oklahoma, I'm not sure. But anyway, isn't it odd that a meth lab is a place where you MAKE meth, not where you study it? I mean, if you really think about it, there's probably a lot we don't know about meth. For example, we don't know what happens if you feed it to bears.

Speaking of meth, on Tuesday of last week my philosophy professor asked the class how we enjoyed our weekends. My initial reaction was to say that I didn't remember it, but I don't actually know why I wanted to say this. It isn't even true. I didn't want to give people the wrong idea.

Also on Tuesday, the professor gave us a thought experiment to test the principle of impartiality, which states that we should value our happiness as being no more important than anyone else's. Suppose you are too poor to attend college without a scholarship, but you have been awarded one. Another guy is also too poor to attend college without a scholarship, but he will get your scholarship if you decline. Now, the difference between you is that you are planning to study philosophy, whereas this other guy is going to study engineering or neurology, and he's actually going to be useful to the world. So, the question is, should you decline the scholarship?
Of course, she didn't say that philosophy was TOTALLY useless. She just said that there were already so many philosophers wandering the earth arguing about things that the world wouldn't miss another one. But you know, I really think philosophy is incredibly useful. Already this year in my philosophy classes I've learned how to remove the stain if you accidentally write on a dry-erase board with a permanent marker, and I've actually needed to know that later on.

So the other day I was confronted with the following question, taking from the book "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman: "You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this stranger. The wizard says, 'I will now make this person a dollar more attractive.' He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, the person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But - somehow - this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. The wizard has a weird rule though - you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front. How much do you give the wizard?'

I thought about this question for a while, and here is the answer I came up with. I would ask the wizard how much money I'd need to pay him before random people on the street would stop and think, "Wow! How much money did HE give the wizard?!" And then I would give the wizard twice that amount.

But you know, this whole scenario really just raises more questions than it answers. For example, if $1.00 makes no noticeable difference to my appearance, what would $1,000 do? Would I still look exactly the same, except somehow more attractive, or at some point down the line, would I become a Spanish underwear model? I just don't know.

I'm sure most of us remember the large anti-abortion displays which came to campus a few weeks ago. A friend pointed out that pro-choice people rarely say they are PRO-abortion; they admit that abortion is a bad thing in some ways, but think women ought to have that choice available. So, assuming they want the public to be educated about the nature of the different options on the table, couldn't THEY have run the display? And you know, I had actually been pondering the same thing myself. I would like to see a pro-choice organization come to OU with 12-foot-tall photos of assorted fetuses and large signs saying, "Abortion: See? It's not so bad," and "Don't knock it till you've tried it."

(I recognize one of the pro-choicers' complaints was that the display was really in-your-face. But I'm just saying.)

Also, it's come to my attention that OU is in a three-way tie with Texas and Texas Tech for domination of the Big 12 South. A lot of people have been debating on the Interweb and in the newspapers about who should rightfully be ranked the highest in the BCS. However, I just think everyone is overlooking the REAL question: what if Texas A&M beats Texas, OSU becomes the fourth 10-2 team by beating OU, hell freezes over, and Baylor beats Texas Tech? How will the BCS handle a four-way tie in the Big 12 South?

I hope you are all having a wonderful Thanksgiving and have an opportunity to remember what this holiday was originally created for. We in America have much to be thankful; I, for one, am thankful that I have great friends who are willing to put up with me for a few days. I'm also thankful that I'm not a tax collector. But most of all we are commanded to be thankful in all circumstances, because of WHO GOD IS and because of WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR US.

1 Peter 1:3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,
5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

1Th 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1Ch 16:34 Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!